(theme music playing)
NARRATOR: Man lives in the sunlit world
of what he believes to be reality.
But... there is,
unseen by most, an underworld.
A place that is just as real
but not as brightly lit.
A dark side.
(sign creaking)
All right, young lady, I'm giving you one last chance.
Now we know you have a division of tanks in Belgium.
I want to know where.
I think you've got about all the strategic information
you're going to get for one day.
Maybe we could make a deal?
Okay, fine.
Good. You give me the position of your tanks,
and I'll withdraw from Antwerp.
The tank coordinates are 38 degrees north,
and... 26 degrees west.
Good... that's very good!
It's the old sneak play through the Ardennes-- hah!
You know, there's a mountain out there with snow on it.
What do you say we call it a day?
We hop in the car, we go up there...
We are on duty, Corporal.
Besides, if we don't land a live one soon,
we're never going to get promoted out of here.
But nobody has been through that door in three weeks.
If I have to sit here one more day, I don't think I can...
Army regulations enable a soldier under stress
to function without having to think.
Besides, we're both very close
to losing it, Corporal.
That's why we've got to play it by the book.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, Master Sergeant.
And if we do get out of this dust bowl alive,
I'm going to see to it that you get a ribbon for hazardous duty.
(knocking on door)
A recruit?
Police the area.
Get rid of that game!
Uh, say, do you mind if I stay a while?
No, not at all.
Take a seat, son.
We'll have a nice little talk about
all of our various programs.
Programs?
CORPORAL: Sure. There's the buddy program
in which you and a buddy can enlist together.
Then there's the officers program.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You think I want to join the army?
SERGEANT: If you didn't come in here to sign up,
what are you doing here?
I need help.
Sanctuary.
Sanctuary?
Yeah, my life is in danger.
You are the only law for miles.
Now, come on, you gotta help me.
Boy...
I don't know if I want to protect your type
at all.
Okay, okay, look...
I'm gonna level with you.
I guess you can handle the truth.
I'm being hunted like a runaway slave.
You see, I escaped from a circus last Saturday.
You escaped from the circus?!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The circus people--
actually they wanted to make me the main attraction.
Arnold Barker, that's me-- the Human Balloon.
Anyway, I... they're gonna...
Armed slavers are gonna take me away
unless you give me the protection
of the United States Army.
That's fascinating, young man.
But I'm only authorized to protect recruits.
I think you better hit the road.
Wow, uh, couldn't we help, Master Sergeant?
Corporal, regulations are regulations.
Okay.
Okay, you guys want recruits, I'll give you a recruit
that's going to knock your stripes off.
Oh? Oh? What's so special about you?
I'm not special, soldier, I'm positively unique.
Oh...
I don't like this.
In fact (nervous laugh)... I hate it.
(gasping anxiously)
(gasps)
Aah...!
See?
Wow!
A floater.
Oh, floating into the fan!
I've got you, I've got you, I've got you.
It's all right.
Oh, oh, thank you. Thank you.
Get me the Pentagon.
They want him.
They want him so bad,
there may be a promotion in it-- for both of us,
if we can bring him in.
That's the most exciting news.
Did you tell them there's a killer after me?
Arnold, this is going to hurt.
Young man, the Pentagon has informed me
that a man with your rare talent
may be of strategic importance
to the United States armed forces.
Arnold, you may give us an edge over those prima donnas
at the Air Force.
Now, I've been advised to escort you safely
to the nearest secure army base.
Oh, but first,
I got to go find those documents
that you gotta sign for Uncle Sam.
Tell me about the circus people, Arnold.
(chuckling): Oh, it was unbelievable.
They wanted to turn me into a sideshow freak
so a bunch of dumb farmhands could gawk at me
and chomp popcorn.
Oh.
The freak attraction of the center ring.
A couple of clowns are going to carry me out
in a big stupid box, right?
And then, all of a sudden--
(pops lips)
...the lid pops open,
and up and up and up and up I float,
all the way to the big top.
Wow, that part sounds exciting.
Well, if you don't mind nosebleeds.
What's it like to fly, Arnold?
I don't know.
See, I don't fly, I float.
There's a big difference.
See, you don't have any control
when you're floating.
There's no power, you can't steer.
You're at the mercy of the slightest breeze,
just like a cloud.
And the higher you get, the more the air thins out.
Cold, really, really cold.
Oh, boy, one time, I mean, I lost it.
I thought I was a goner.
I flipped out, I started screaming and screaming.
No one hears you up there.
You're all alone.
I suppose it's sort of like drowning.
Drowning in thin air.
Well, how did it start?
I mean, I mean, were you just born that way?
Oh, no, no...
It started four months ago-- five months ago.
Five months? What happened five months ago?
Nothing.
Nothing really. Really...
What am I supposed to call you anyway?
Ma'am, Miss,
Ms., sir?
Marcia Smith.
Corporal Marcia Smith.
Well, Miss Corporal Marcia Smith,
I'm beginning to think that floating for Uncle Sam
might not be so bad after all.
If I ever get out of here alive.
I want you to know, Arnold,
I've been in the army almost a year now,
and you are the most interesting development
in my career so far.
Oh... sweet Marcia.
SERGEANT: Time to sign up, son.
What's all this?
Your induction agreement.
Strictly S.O.P.
Oh, oh... oh, okay, great.
(clears throat) Well, I'll, uh...
give my lawyer a call, have him check this all over
as soon as we get to the army base.
SERGEANT: No...
No, son, that's not the way it works.
You sign, or walk.
Oh, come on, there's a madman after my skin out there.
That's not my concern.
All civilians are a little crazy.
But he could get killed.
Over my dead body, Corporal.
I am perfectly willing to turn this little cabin
into a stockade,
just as soon as you agree to take your floating act
on the road for Uncle Sam.
(groans)
(sighs)
MARCIA: You're going to be a good soldier, Arnold.
I can tell.
How about you, Corporal Marcia Smith?
Are you a good soldier?
Well, I guess you'll have to ask the Master Sergeant about that.
(car tires squealing)
Did you hear something?
Oh, they're coming, Master Sergeant sir.
Corporal, get me my bullhorn.
Car approaching.
It's them; it's the killers.
One Caucasian male.
Over six feet.
Overweight.
Hugo the Fat Man.
One young white female.
Olga the Killer Dwarf Lady.
HUGO: I know you're in there, Arnold Barker.
Come on out and face the music.
I do and I am a dead man.
Stand back, you two.
Let me handle this.
(unamplified): Attention, ci--
(amplified): Attention, civilians.
You are threatening the life of a soldier
in the United States Army.
Return to your automobile immediately and...
Get down!
(gunshot)
Arnold, are you all right?
Yeah, I think so.
Master Sergeant?
(dog barking outside)
Buzz!
Stop them.
You just got to stop them.
Get back there and calm New Kid down.
Yes, sir. Good.
Arnold.
They're moving in.
SERGEANT: Fat man's got a shotgun.
Shoot him.
Shoot to kill.
I can't.
They're carrying a white flag.
Besides, there's a woman.
She's no woman. She's the deadliest one of all.
We can't just let them come in, can we?
Don't worry, Corporal.
The moment they come through that door,
I'll have the drop on them.
No. No. These people are fanatics.
They'll kill us all.
What is she, pregnant?
No, fat.
A fat killer dwarf.
I don't care if she is Tokyo Rose with a hand grenade,
I will not fire on a flag truce.
(footsteps approaching)
Arnold.
I still love you.
But Daddy sure is gonna kill you.
Long time no see, Arnold.
I'll take that weapon, sir.
You are in violation of army regulations, sir.
Do you know who this man is?
He's a recruit in the United States Army.
Uncle Sam protects its own.
What does the army want with him?
That's classified information, sir.
Barker has a talent of great strategic importance.
What can he do? Lie the enemy to death?
Master Sergeant, sir, this guy is the slickest con man
in the state of Arizona. Why, you...
Will you stop, please?
I have a sick mother-to-be here.
COOPER: Oh, baby.
Let's get her in the chair.
Come on, baby... you'll be all right; Daddy's here.
Everything will be all right.
COOPER: I got no quarrel
with the United States Government.
But I got a job that needs doing.
What is your trouble, sir?
ARNOLD: Uh, it's really kind of complicated,
Master Sergeant, sir. You see, um...
It all started about six months ago,
uh, at the circus.
I was propositioned by this female trapeze artist,
Good-Time Rita. Circus? What's he prattling about?
Good-Time Rita?
Master Sergeant, sir.
This woman is a professional.
I think you know what I mean.
MARCIA: I think she's coming around.
Hello, Arnold.
Hiya, Rita.
Little lady, what's your name?
My name is Betty-Ann Cooper.
And this is my Pa.
And so far, he hasn't killed anybody, right, Pa?
COOPER: Not yet.
She says her name is Betty-Ann Cooper.
Alias Good Time Rita.
Master sergeant, now, this is not the first time
that I've been hustled by these snakes.
Now, you can see they're obviously accomplices.
BETTY-ANN: Arnold?
Didn't you tell them you were a pharmacist?
What?!
Arnold tells the most wonderful stories.
We never even went to the movies or watched TV or anything.
He'd just take me on his lap and talk and talk.
You really feel like you can see the things he's describing.
COOPER: He filled her head full of stories,
and then he took advantage of her.
We had a man to man talk.
He said he'd do the right thing.
But he left her at the altar, three days ago.
COOPER: I've been after him ever since.
Arnold, is this true?
You were lying about the circus?
The chains?
Everything?
Oh, brother.
You expected me to gun down innocent people
just so you could weasel out of this?
Well, he wanted to kill me first.
He still does.
That's right, Arnold.
So right.
Back away, soldier. I got no fight with you.
Mister, how many times do I have to tell you?
This man is government property and a strategic asset.
He's a liar, mister.
I don't know what he told you to get called strategic,
but you can damn well bet it was a lie.
Now, back away.
Pa!
Quiet, Betty-Ann.
You promised you'd give him one more chance.
Please, Daddy. He's all I got.
Not if he's still lying.
I can't let him live, darlin'.
MARCIA: But he real...
He really is important to your daughter, sir.
Not to mention national security.
National security?
Zip your lip, Corporal.
That is classified information.
No-- what if we could prove to you
that Arnold really is vital to the country?
What is he, your spy?
No.
He's a floater.
What the hell is a floater?
Somebody lighter than air.
Say your prayers, Arnold.
Arnold really is a floater, Daddy.
I told him he'd have to marry me and he just laughed
and floated right up to the ceiling like a balloon.
Why ain't he floating now?
MARCIA: Oh, he's got his
lead shoes on. But he could show you
that he can float.
Can't you, Arnold?
(Arnold moans nervously)
Oh, Arnold.
COOPER: Well, I'll be.
Do you understand now why we need him, Cooper?
I guess. But I'm still gonna kill him.
BETTY-ANN: Pa!
I'm gonna kill him if he don't do right by my daughter.
I don't think so, Mr. Cooper. I got you covered.
This is it, Arnold.
Nobody can help you now.
It's up to you to save yourself.
MARCIA: At least for Betty-Ann's sake.
Oh, Betty-Ann.
Now, come on... I want you to be a good girl now
and tell your daddy that you don't want me.
Come on, I'll make it up to you, Betty-Ann.
Somehow, someday, I swear
I'll make it up to you. I swear I w--
(laughing): I'll marry her. I'll marry her.
MARCIA: Arnold...
Say it again.
Only this time, you better mean it.
(whispering): Betty-Ann.
I've been a low-down, good-for-nothing snake
my whole life; I don't know any other way to be.
Betty-Ann, please don't cry. Please.
(crying)
All right. I'll marry you.
I promise, I'll marry you. I'll take care of you.
I'll take care of the baby.
Hey, I'll be a great daddy.
Please don't cry, Betty-Ann.
I love you.
Of course I love you.
I love you till death do us part.
(grunting)
Arnold, you meant it.
Ooh.
I think we better get her to a hospital.
I got my weight back.
SERGEANT: Hell of a loss for the country.
COOPER: Sergeant, I'm going to need a hand here.
SERGEANT: That's "Master Sergeant."
I got my weight back.
Ooh! Wow.
COOPER: I'll be coming back for you, Barker.
(laughing)
I got my weight back.
(laughing gleefully)
To have witnessed a change of character like that...
Oh.
You are happy now, aren't you, Arnold?
Oh, Marcia, I've never been happier in my life.
Oh, well, Betty-Ann's happy, her dad's happy, and...
Well, you never, you never wanted to be a floater anyway, did you?
(laughing): No.
Now you're on the ground
and you are a member of the armed forces.
And I'm finally alone with you and that makes me very happy.
Uh... alone with me?
Uh-huh. Uh...
No, but you love Betty-Ann. You-You want to marry Betty-Ann.
Words, Marcia, words.
You, uh... no, no, you had to mean them, Arnold.
Otherwise, you'd still be up there floating or dead.
I can mean anything when there's a gun at my head.
Right now I mean to get acquainted with you.
(sultry laughter) Be... Be careful, Arnold.
Why, you gonna slap me?
The only reason you stopped floating
was because you changed. If you change back...
You've got such a beautiful mouth.
Ah!
Oh...
Hey, baby. Relax.
Look, I know you want me just as much as I...
Whoa. Ma-Marcia.
Mm--
Marcia. Marcia. M-Marcia!
M-Ma--
You can float straight to hell, Arnold Barker.
Marcia?
Marcia!
M-Ma...
(laughing)
Whoa. Good show, soldier.
Welcome back.
BARKER: Aah! The fan!
(cracking, crunching)
NARRATOR: The dark side is always there.
Waiting for us to enter.
Waiting to enter us.
Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.